The Imperfect Perfectionist

I have always called myself an "imperfect perfectionist" because I have the desire for all results (school, work, kids, husband, family, etc) to be "perfect", but I am not naturally organized or habited or committed in the planning and execution of the steps to getting those perfect results. Let me tell you, it is not easy to live that way!

Because of my perfectionist personality, I put a lot of pressure on myself and experience a lot of disappointment. Can any moms relate to this? As I have been working on figuring out how to be the best me possible, I have realized how flawed this perception and expectation of oneself is! (pretty dense of me to take 27 years to do so, huh??)

For starters, what is "perfect" anyway? I am going to reference Merriam-Webster's first 3 definitions of the adjective: a. being entirely without fault or defect. b. satisfying all requirements c. corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept.

The question that has been in my mind, and is even moreso after reading these definitions, is who am I trying to be perfect for? My husband? My kids? Society? Myself? God? Because if this idea of being "perfect" is according to an "ideal standard", who do I believe sets the standard?; and if it is truly an "abstract concept", how can it really be measured or defined?

In reality, it is the unattainable goals manifested by my own "perfect" standards, which are completely irrational and likely driven by society's pressure to be the biggest (well actually the thinnest!) and the best, that ultimately lead to the feelings of inadequacy, failure and disappointment.

 So, in all that mumbo jumbo, I think the realization needs to be that "perfect" in these regards is unattainable for anyone. No matter what it is I set out to do, there will be a flaw because the only person setting these standard is me, and we already established I am flawed and irrational ;).

My kids and husband do not require perfection of me. They desire true and unconditional love from a mom and wife who values herself in God's eyes and in their eyes. And through these eyes...

....I feel nothing but love and affirmation.

Also, in Hebrews 10:12-14 (NLT) it reads..

¹² But our High Priest offered himself to God as a single sacrifice for sins, good for all time. Then he sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand. ¹³ There he waits until his enemies are humbled and made a footstool under his feet. ¹⁴ For by that one offering he forever made perfect those who are being made holy.

WOW... so, perfection has NOTHING to do with me, Christ's sacrifice at the cross makes me holy and perfect....well golly, what a blessing that I don't have to worry about being so imperfectly perfect all the time! As always, if I would just consistently rely on the Lord and ignore what society says...surprise, surprise: problem solved, disaster averted.

In closing, if at the end of each day I can say I loved with all my heart, I tried with all I had, I served God's purpose and embraced my salvation, then it was as close to perfect that the day (and I) can ever be.

I have hope that I will continue to work on accepting being imperfect in my own eyes and give myself a break because thanks to the grace of God and the love he offers me through Tommy, Mia and Ethan, I am perfect. What a blessed momma moment!

I will be praying any mommas reading this experience this as well.